Overcoming New Father Burnout
Struggling to Balance Boundaries and Flexibility
Hello Everyone!
Over the past few weeks, I’ve been focused on the experience of becoming a new father and what that has meant for my work/family life. I’ve been writing about how I hope to ‘make it work’ and the strategies/attitude that could help on the way.
I would like to stress that becoming a father has been one of the most beautiful and profound experiences for me. I’ve never felt this way before. It’s almost impossible to put in words.
Being a new dad, however, also means constantly trying to find the right balance to somehow get through the day/week/month. It feels nearly impossible at times and I’ve found myself battling something that no one prepares you for i.e. burnout.
The Unseen Emotional Weight
I knew about the sleepless nights and all. However, the constant worry and the pressure to be “on’ all the time has been intense. The emotional toll it is taking is something I did not expect.
I’ve tried setting boundaries—whether that’s taking breaks during the day or setting up a designated workspace at home—but it feels as if those boundaries constantly keep on shifting. There’s always something new that demands my attention.
Furthermore, when I fail to maintain those boundaries, the guilt kicks in. Yeap….the same guilt that I wrote about last week.
Flexibility Isn’t Always Enough
Then you have the flip side to setting boundaries—being flexible. I’ve had all the advice i.e. take it easy, be patient, relax, go with the flow, etc etc. I’ve even written about embracing flexibility, whilst taking care of a newborn, in my recent pieces.
It makes complete sense in theory. But….in practice???
In trying to be flexible, it feels as if I am bending so much that I am about to break. When every hour is unpredictable, flexibility effectively becomes a byword for survival mode.
I, thus, find myself torn between the need to be there for my family, the urge to do well at work and the desperate desire to step back and breathe for a moment.
Trying to Find Balance
I guess the truth is that I haven’t found the right balance yet and accepting that might be a good first step in trying to find that balance.
Some days are better than others. Other days, I’m just exhausted. I guess the biggest realisation of the past few weeks, for me, has been that it’s okay to struggle with this new normal. It’s also okay to ask for help.
Fatherhood is going to be a long…long journey (hopefully). There will, surely, be bumps along the way. Figuring out how to manage burnout is just another bump on that journey….might even be a recurring one.
Naush – don't WORRY! By the time the baby's 18 most people have worked it out. #not me though..🤣🤣🤣
Seriously, it does get easier – or at least difficult in different ways.. Most importantly, be kind to yourself – we are all amateurs.